Loss

There are times when something happens and there aren’t words for the feeling. When a friend has lost a baby is one of those times.

She has been trying for several years to have a child. This past year she has been through most fertilization techniques and she finally became pregnant. However, it was not meant to be. She lost the baby this week.

What can a man say in a time like this? I cannot possibly say I know how she feels, as I do not. I know if it were my child I would indeed feel a great loss, and it would be very hard to handle. But, I cannot imagine the perspective is the same for a man as it is for a woman.

She is a strong believer in Christ, and believes God surely will meet her prayers in his time. She understands this, but that does not ease her pain either. I can say all the nice words, I can express to her I feel sad for her loss, and I feel her hurt, as I do feel her hurt, but I can not feel it the same as she does, and worst of all I can not take the pain away from her.

Her husband is just as devastated as she is; they are both in prayer this week. Having been through the fertilization route myself, I know how painful the whole experience is. How your hopes are lifted so high then dashed so low. I know the pain of seeing a fetus then suddenly it is gone. Asking the questions, can we do this again, how can we handle another roller coaster ride?

This I do understand, but it still doesn’t not make me understand her pain, her loss. I know how mine felt and how it made me feel, and all I can do is listen to her when she cries. She cried last night and I could but helplessly listen to her. I told her God is listening and he will grant her prayer in time, she needs to be patient. I feel some guilt, as I have a child now, and she does not as yet. She knows I went through the same ride, but it is still hard.

Times like this we wonder if we are doing the right thing, if we aren’t trying to make something happen that isn’t meant to happen, maybe we are forcing the issue. I cannot say that to her though it would not lessen the pain and the loss.

All I can do now is be there and listen, and lend an ear and a heart.