Learning the hard way.

Once and as I recall only once in my lifetime to this point, did I make such a mistake.

The discomfort and the awkwardness was so severe to this day when I think of it I cringe. What I refer to is a social fax paw that a man will find hard to overcome but inevitably may face.

Having started a new job, the CIO took me around to the various facilities I would be supporting. He introduced me to the staff at each facility that I would be directly interacting with. We arrived at the last facility and he took me to her office.

She was standing when we entered but proceeded to sit after proper introductions. As she sat, she placed her hand on the side of her lower back and then sat down stiffly. Well, being that my wife was currently pregnant, I saw this movement from her, and knew it was surely how a pregnant woman sat.

The words left my lips, “Oh, how far along are you” and her response, “how far along am I what”? There is no backpedaling that can allow one to recover form this. No amount of mumbling or profuse apologies can redeem one.

After leaving the facility the CIO informed me that, that very woman sued him in his first week at the company for sexual harassment. After an investigation it was learned she did this only because another employee who thought he was going get that position enticed her to so so as to get him fired hoping the employee would then get that job. The other employee was subsequently fired for his action, but she was not. She was given a letter of reprimand in her file for filing a false claim.

So, I was expecting serious repercussion form this encounter. None came, but the fear held by my making this mistake again remains strong. Not of being sued, but of making the mistake in assuming a woman is pregnant when she is not.

This comes up because I was introduced to a woman who again I assumed was with child, but bit so hard on my lip it bled the other day. I was not going to say anything unless someone let it be know first. As it turned out she is, but the fear form my first experience caused me to stay silent.

So, when is it appropriate to infer a woman is carrying and when is not. Is it even any of my business? I suppose not, and the rule I follow now is that unless someone specifically informs me, I will not bring it up.

As a man, where do we stand regarding this? Woman seem to have some sort of automatic right to openly discuss, but if a man interjects with any sort of comment he is treating with a curt smile, and a look that says, “yes very nice now shove off will you”.

There has to be some sort of rule about how to act in these situations.